HOW TO TEACH CHILD RESPECT AMONG SIBLINGS

Why Teach Child Respect for Siblings?

A world without respect is a jungle. One way to avoid chaos is to teach child respect. If you’re going to teach your child to respect other humans, you might as well start early at home. Charity begins at home, right?

One would assume that multiple children in the same home would be very similar to each other. However, anyone with more than one child or has observed families knows this is not at all true.

It is a mystery to many why siblings would have such different personalities. But when you really think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Here are some of the main reasons that every child in your home is an individual rather than a carbon copy of their brothers and sisters.

Each Child Is an Individual

Although being part of the same family will ultimately affect us in many ways, every child is an individual. No matter how similar an upbringing your children have to each other, they come with their own personalities and character traits. This will combine with other factors to make them who they are.

As a parent, you will notice that your children have their own distinctive attributes even from birth. It’s important to parent all your children in a fair manner. And on top of that, you must cater to their different individual needs.

Birth Order Matters Greatly

To teach child respect, you must understand birth order has a huge effect on siblings. Many children have more similar attributes to children with the same birth order in completely different families than they do to their own siblings.

For example, older children are often surrounded by adults instead of siblings, at least for the first few years. This tends to make them relate well to adults. As such, it’s sometimes difficult to put up with the foolish nonsense they see in others.

Often, adults tend to coddle younger children. They see them as cute and allow them to get away with everything. For this reason, they have room to be good-natured and the life of the party.

They Are Raised By Different Parents in a Sense

The set of parents you were and are to your first child is not the same set of parents you are to your second or third child. As a generalization, you as a first-time parent are cautious, fearful and determined to do absolutely everything right. You take care of every single bite of food and every ingredient in your child’s bubble bath.

As you have more children, you generally begin to loosen up a little bit. You tend to make exceptions for the sake of your own sanity, your relationships, and your wallet.

Younger children generally get more ice cream cones, a wider range of acceptable activities, and basically more freedom.

Although your children technically have the same set of parents, you change dramatically from your oldest child to your youngest. As a result, you give your children a completely different experience in life.

Your children might be raised in the same family, but observations prove that your children are likely to be as different as night and day.

Therefore, as you teach child respect, it’s important to cherish the individuality of each of your children. Understandably, their uniqueness is due to both biology and circumstances.

Teaching Child Respect to the Oldest Sibling

In a family with more than one child, it is rare to have even two children with similar personalities. Because we are each unique beings, there is a wide range of temperaments in any given household.

As stated here, birth order can play a big role in shaping who your children are and who they become. Here are a few tips on how you can teach child respect to your oldest. 

Privilege and Responsibility Play a Role in Child Respect

Older siblings are often naturally responsible. It comes fairly innately to them to follow rules. Adults often admire this quality that makes parenting easier in some ways. However, there are some drawbacks. You as a parent should reward their responsibility with special privileges rather than taking them for granted.

Teach your child about the correlation between privilege and responsibility. The famous quote, “with great privilege comes great responsibility” goes the other way as well.

For example, let’s say your child helps out with getting meals ready and assisting their siblings with small tasks. You can show appreciation by letting them stay up half an hour later than the rest of his siblings. Also, be vocal about why you feel they have earned this privilege. 

Don’t Take Advantage of Your Eldest

On the other end of things, be sure not to overwork your oldest child. Just because they’re capable of babysitting siblings doesn’t mean you should use them as a free babysitter every day.

Additionally, don’t expect them to drop plans whenever you need someone to watch the kids. This is a quick way to lose their trust. Treat them with the same respect that you would treat an adult, or a young person outside of your family.

Offer Specific Praise

Instead of just saying “good job” to your oldest child, give them specific praise. Offer compliments such as, “I was impressed by your determination” or, “Thank you so much for encouraging your little sister to listen to mom.”

This comes across as more sincere than empty praise. Let your oldest child also hear you offering specific praise to his siblings. This will help them to recognize these special attributes in them that may have been difficult to see.

Speak Highly of Their Siblings to Boost Child Respect

Do not use your oldest child as a confidant with whom you share your parenting problems. When you speak about any of your children to their siblings, speak highly of them. Otherwise, your child will begin to take on the offense in their own mind and think less and less of their siblings.

Your oldest child is a unique person. Being the oldest child can be a challenge. So, it’s the parent’s job to help them become completely comfortable in their role as the oldest sibling.

With some help from these ideas, you’ll boost child respect for your oldest. They’ll appreciate the younger siblings and better understand their role as the oldest one.

Teaching Child Respect to the Middle Siblings

As we’ve seen with the oldest child, being a middle child also comes with challenges. There are stereotypes of the forgotten middle child, and jokes about them not getting attention. Being the middle child doesn’t have to be a negative experience, though.

There is a lot you can do to lessen the tough parts and accentuate the positives. When you are proactive about this, you will naturally encourage child respect in your middle child for their siblings. Here are some ideas to get you started on this important task.

Point Out Your Other Children’s Strengths

It is difficult for any sibling to always see the strong points in their brothers and sisters. Simple immaturity and typical childhood antics means lots of fighting and plenty of rivalries. As a parent, you should do your best to smooth out the rough edges in your children’s relationships.

Talk with your middle child about their siblings’ strong points and encourage them to recognize those strong points. Remind them as often as needed, without becoming annoying about it. When you compliment any of your other children, allow your middle child to be there to witness it.

To boost child respect, be sure to build your home around an atmosphere of encouragement and admiration for each other. This will make it easier for your children to give love to everyone else even beyond your household.

Child Respect is Reciprocal

When you have done what you can to point out the good qualities in siblings and to encourage respect, then be sure to encourage the respect both ways. Promote child respect by letting your older and younger children know about the things you admire in your middle child.

Point out his or her good qualities – whether it be a willingness to help out others or a great enthusiasm for life. This returned respect will reinforce the positive encouragement you are giving your middle child. Reciprocal respect has a multiplier effect.

Be Sure to Spend Quality Time with Your Middle Child

One of the biggest mistakes you can make with your middle child is to neglect to give them quality time. It is easy for your child to feel lost when they are sandwiched in between siblings.

On one hand, the oldest child is often more responsible and has more privileges. On the other hand, the youngest child is often the life of the party, and thought of as cute enough to get away with practically anything.

As such, you should give your middle child plenty of your time, to reassure them they’re special to you. This will lessen the competition between the siblings and allow for a positive relationship to continue to develop. You promote child respect when siblings understand they do not need to compete with siblings for your attention.

Teaching Child Respect to the Youngest Sibling

No discussion on child respect can be complete without the youngest one. From being known as ‘the child’ to being spoiled, to being the butt of jokes, the youngest child is hard to ignore.

Here are some ways you can help promote child respect between your youngest child and their siblings.

Teach Them to Respect the Position of the Older Child

Many families are blessed with a particularly responsible older child. The first thing you do is to teach your younger child that it is a great thing to be the youngest. Next, explain to them how lucky they are for having a peer role model within the family.

Help your child realize the special position they hold, a bit like being a student among many teachers. This is not always fun for them, but it is certainly something they can grow to appreciate as they get older.

Teach Them Responsibility

Your younger child may be able to get away with more mischief. The reason being that, as you gain more parenting experience, you may be inclined to loosen some rules. And sometimes, you may let the youngest child off the hook for simply being cute. This will ultimately backfire, however.

Teach your youngest child responsibility, and it will help them to value the responsibility that their older siblings must carry. By sharing the load, siblings not only learn child respect but also learn to empathize with others.

Don’t Allow Them to Slip Through the Cracks

When you were a first-time parent, you likely obsessed over every decision, every move, and every morsel of food you placed in your firstborn’s mouth. The tendency is to relax as your family grows. In some ways this is great, and in some ways it is destructive.

Your youngest child should never feel as though you don’t have time for them, or as though they are flying under the radar. This will breed resentment for their siblings, which can destroy any respect they might have naturally had for them. Thus, keep things equal, and allow your youngest child to feel the care just as much as the others.

Don’t Compare

To help promote child respect, don’t compare siblings – at least not in front of them. Maybe your oldest child was a mini Einstein, and your youngest couldn’t care less about school.

Resist the temptation to compare your younger child to their older sibling with comments such as, “When your brother was your age…” and “If only you were focused like your big sister.”

Comments like these can devastate and tear apart the relationships of your children with each other. Instead of comparing, focus on the attributes that your youngest child brings to the table.

For child respect to exist, there should be room for individuality, and freedom from having to perform.

Teaching Child Respect to Siblings of the Opposite Sex

Boys and girls have many differences beyond their place in the birth line. Studies show that in many ways, boys and girls can be worlds apart in their habits, preferences, and learning styles.

As a parent of both boys and girls, it is important to ensure that they fully appreciate each other in spite of these differences.

Here are some ideas on how to instill respect and appreciation between opposite-gender children.

Read: Teaching sex and sexuality to your kids

Point Out Their Similarities

When you as a parent can point out how your children are alike, it will help them to realize the value in each other. Children have an easier time identifying with someone with whom they have at least a few similarities. And as a parent, you can see these things more easily than most.

Make a habit of noticing their similarities and mentioning them in casual conversation. Similarities could be as simple as how precise they both are when working with their hands, or how they both have a caring heart for animals.

Creating a Bond by Finding Things They Have in Common

As we explain above, finding similarities is about things they already do alike. But finding things in common is going the extra mile to create a bond between them. You can achieve this through activities that everyone can enjoy together.

Your children should be able to see that both boys and girls can enjoy the same activities. It doesn’t matter if it’s playing or spectating sports, drawing, singing, and playing instruments. They will see that the number of things they both enjoy is greater than the ways that they differ.

Speak Respectfully of Both Boys and Girls

Some things do come naturally for boys on one hand, and girls on the other. However, to encourage child respect, don’t make the mistake of putting down either gender.

When you speak about any child, don’t put them in a stereotype created by gender norms. Also, don’t try to paste their weaknesses on all children of their gender.

Refrain from making statements such as “Boys are so hyper” or “Girls shouldn’t be so loud”. Respect both genders and use your words to build up the opposite sex in front of your child.

Encourage Opposite Sex Friendships

In order to find comfort around the opposite sex, your children will need to build lots of relationships to give them practice. The relationships that your children have with their opposite gender siblings will help them relate to that gender throughout their lives.

The opposite is true as well. That is, building friendships with children of the opposite gender will help them relate to their opposite gender siblings. Don’t assume your son will only have close friends who are boys, and vice versa for girls.

Encourage any and all good quality friendships with children of either gender. This will help your child become relatable to and respectful of everyone.

Building healthy child respect for the opposite sex takes a commitment on the part of parents. It is not always a given that our children will automatically respect others. Take the time to help your child learn respect for all, which inevitably will make the world a better place, little by little.

Conclusion

A world without respect is a jungle. If we promote child respect among siblings, they’ll contribute greatly in bringing harmony outside the home.

Being a parent of multiple children is both a blessing and a challenge. Anger can erupt in the group when you least expect it, and it can be explosive at times.

Joy can also bleed resentment, especially if it’s one-sided. Therefore, cultivating child respect requires care and good judgment on your part as a parent.

Use your special position as a parent to encourage your child to see the strengths in their siblings that will help them all grow closer together.

Further Reading:

Child Psychology: The ultimate parents’ guide

 –Discipline Basics                                                                                     –Consider Where Your Child Struggles                                                   –Use Age Appropriate Consequences                                                     –Be Clear About Expectations And Consequences                             –One Firm Warning Is Enough                                                                 –And so much more!