TEACHING SEX AND SEXUALITY TO YOUR KIDS

As a parent, there’s probably nothing that stresses you out more than the idea of teaching sex and sexuality to your kids.

Sure, it’s uncomfortable and a little embarrassing, but it’s also necessary.

With nearly 750,000 teen pregnancies every year, it’s never too early to teach sex and sexuality to your teens. But the question of how to teach your kids about sex remains. Before you sit to have “the sex talk,” there are a few things you should know.

Keep reading for helpful tips on broaching the subject of sex with your kids and common mistakes to avoid.

Educate Yourself

Let’s face it — the old-school “birds and the bees” talk just won’t cut it anymore.

Before you start teaching sex and sexuality to your kids, it’s important to educate yourself about teenage sexuality and relationships. This way, you both get accurate information.

Educate yourself on the different types of sexuality, including homosexuality and bisexuality. Do some research on what it means to be a transgender youth.

The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to answer your child’s questions accurately.

Don’t be afraid to tell them you don’t know the answer to their question. In fact, use this as an opportunity to do research together and bond over the experience.

Age-Appropriate Sex Education for Youths

Avoid giving your teen too much information, too soon. Educate yourself on what information your child can handle and when.

Make sure the information is developmentally appropriate. For example, younger children are more interested in where babies come from than the physical act of sex.

Feel free to discuss puberty, privacy, and body changes with school-age children. Some youths experience puberty before the age of 10. Having this discussion will help prepare them for the changes they’ll soon experience.

As they get older and approach their pre-teen years, it’s time to cover the hard topics. Introduce concepts like STDs, contraceptives, and healthy relationships.

Bullying (both online and in-person), sexting, and the pressure to have sex are all a part of teenage sexuality and relationships.

Once your child becomes a teen, they’re ready to discuss the physical act of sex, safe sex, and even sexual desire. Let them know that the hormonal changes and sexual feelings they’re experiencing are normal.

Discuss safe and unsafe ways of acting on these urges. Also, reinforce the consequences of having sex, including pregnancy and STDs.

Make sure your child knows they should never feel pressured into having sex. Teaching them to respect themselves and their body is an important part of preventing premature sex.

Teaching Sex and Sexuality to Boys vs Girls

The sex talk you have with your son won’t be the same one you have with your daughter.

If your child is struggling to identify as male or female, be sure to cover all the bases, plus provide information on what it means to be transgender or non-binary.

Boys

When teaching boys about sex and sexuality, there are a few important things you want to cover.

For starters, during puberty, they can expect the following changes to their body:

Cracking/changing voice
Hair growth (pubic area, face, underarms)
Increased acne and body odor
Nocturnal Penile Tumescence (NPT)

It’s not uncommon for boys to start masturbating as early as age 9. Reassure them that these are natural urges and that masturbating is a safe way to explore.

As boys’ hormones increase and the brain starts producing testosterone, it also triggers the testicles to start producing sperm. Young men now have the ability to ejaculate and will develop larger sex organs.

This is the perfect time to discuss pregnancy and how to use contraceptives. Although boys don’t experience a menstrual cycle, it may also benefit them to understand how the process works.

Not only does it reinforce facts about reproduction, but also provides a better understanding of how the female body works.

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Girls

The biggest sexual change that girls experience is getting their menstrual cycle. From hormonal to physical changes, this is a difficult and confusing time for your daughter.

As her body starts to produce estrogen, her ovaries will start creating eggs. On average, girls get their first period around age 12.

Some bodily changes, like hair growth and body odor, will occur in both boys and girls. Girls will also develop breasts and a more curvaceous figure.

Let your daughter know that getting her period is a sign that her body can now produce babies. That means she’s at risk of getting pregnant.

While this may seem like a faraway concept for especially young girls, it’s an important fact for them to know.

Now’s the time to discuss contraceptives, including condoms, and birth control, as well as her right to say no to sex.

Girls may fall victim to peer pressure or pressure from a boyfriend to have sex. Oftentimes, girls believe they need to engage in sex to be well-liked or popular.

Discuss all of these things openly and honestly with your teen to help prevent irreversible consequences.

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How to Break the Ice

Bringing up the subject of sex and sexuality with your child can be difficult. If you’re not sure how to start, look out for teachable moments.

Simple things like a sex scene in a movie or a sexually suggestive music video might be your gateway into having the sex talk.

Find out what your child already knows or thinks they know about sex. Take the time to correct any misconceptions and answer their questions.

Consider your child’s point of view. If you’re uncomfortable, chances are, they are too.

Try not to lecture them, but have an open, honest conversation.

Think beyond the physical, too. Discuss your child’s emotions, attitudes, and perceptions about sex and their own sexuality.

Remain Calm and Respectful

While you want your teen to understand the seriousness of having sex, you don’t want to scare or intimidate them. Keep the lines of communication clear and open.

Speak to them with respect and a non-judgemental tone. Your teen will shy away from any further conversations if they fear you or your reaction.

If your teen is too afraid to talk to you, you won’t know when there’s a problem or if they need help.

Try not to overreact. Having the sex talk with your child will help them make smart decisions about sex and their body.